got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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