he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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