I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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