She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
