walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
