Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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