At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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