I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
