ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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