She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
