I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
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Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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