Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
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I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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