I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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