Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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