Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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