i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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