The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
