doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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