..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I forget how to act sober
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