What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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