If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
