I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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