I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
