"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better