I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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