I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
