I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
