I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
