either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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