I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
