they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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