No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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