nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
