just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
