Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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