He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
