pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
