U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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