My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Boobs speak an international language.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
