Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
