I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.