It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?