i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it glows. i had to have it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...