Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
