East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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