...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
