1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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