Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
