I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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