I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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