Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
