ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
