matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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