May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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