dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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