yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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