Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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