He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
