at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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