On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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