were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
