He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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