Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
