420 ftw
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
