I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
