Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
