perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
