the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
