I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
