I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
