Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
