shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
