Can i not drive my cunt home
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
