I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even my farts smell like vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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