i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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