last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're like the curious george of whores
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
