i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
