Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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