I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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