i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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