that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
