I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
