I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
