Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
